Maybe this time

A few things I'm learning about myself, the Gospel, and goals from here on out:

Life.  I don't know how all my young-mom-friends out there do it.  They serve their husbands, kids, make their homes into live-in design show rooms, home school, host house church, have time for reading and hobbies on the side, oh yeah, and are growing by leaps and bounds in their walks with the Lord, too.  They are superwomen.  (Or are they?  Is this what a normal woman and mother is supposed to look like?  If so, yowzas...I need an intervention!)

So, in an attempt to actually be like these fellow mamas and women, I've been striving to do all of the above the last few months.  And simply, I can't do it.  And now that I'm realizing how much I've tried to do it successfully, I'm all the more empty.

Comparison is a thorn in my side.  I'm learning, once again, how useless and detrimental this tactic of the enemy is.  I feel like I should have this figured out by now.  That I should be confident and have enough self-awareness to combat the little thoughts that come floating by.  Rather than let them pass by, I ponder, give them more attention than they deserve.  Then those floating thoughts land, take root, then grow to affect my outlook on life, family, and the Church.  This is so elementary!  Why is this still an issue?!

For now, I'll stop asking why it's an issue and accept that it is an issue.  And now that it's admitted, I can no longer fool myself and think I can fix it on my own.  Now I have the joy of repenting.  And I'm not being sarcastic--it is a joy for me to repent!  It could be daily for the next few days and weeks.  OK, probably multiple times a day, but it's still repenting.  And I'm learning that all this comparison stuff isn't really as much about wanting to refine myself or do better for my family as it is about wanting to puff myself up.  So, enter pride.  I'm learning that pride is at the root of my heart and I want to look like I have it all together so I can be esteemed as a good wife who practices Proverbs 31.  Good grief if that isn't sin then what is?!  (Didn't think I'd be pouring my heart out on my blog today--I have laundry to do, tons of it, but I think this public confession is laundering my heart.  Which I'll take).  So, there's a bit of an update into my life and how Christ and the Spirit are searching my heart, exposing the disgusting-ness of it, and how I need Him more now than I can ever remember.  I love that I have a Savior who isn't surprised by this.  He's not shaking his head or "tisk-tisk" ing me.  He loves me, He made me, He knew this would be a struggle, and He decided to redeem me anyways.  And He's refining and will use this for His glory, Lord willing.

On a not so serious note, here are some goals and recent updates:

• Jason will be sharing preaching responsibilities at the Apex Xenia campus and the Kettering campus starting in September.  This is a huge step for our family.  We're excited for what's to come!
• I've become a Mary Kay beauty consultant.  I've loved it so far and I'm hoping this venture will bring in extra income for our family, allow me to expand my social circles and reach women who don't know Christ so through our facials, I can share Him with them.  
• Reagan and Gideon are the cutest kids.  They are handfuls most of the time but my heart is also full because of them.  So, I guess they're handfuls and heartfuls.  
• Michael, Maggie, and Jonah-boy are moving back to Dayton in July.  No words could express how much our little family is anticipating their home-coming.  
• Becca boo is home for the Summer and it's been awesome to re-connect and hang out with her.  She's become our weekly babysitter and it's great to see the kids bond with her even more.  
• Ham Fam Reunion 2011 is just around the corner.  It.will.be.fantastic.
• Goals:  Wake up early again to be in the Word.  Exercise.  Get my house in order.  Get pregnant.  Host more Mary Kay parties and facials.  Get a home school curriculum in place for Fall for Miss Reagy Roo.  Learn new ways to encourage my hubby.  Start taking Gideon out for mommy/son dates.  

Now that I've changed my blog background and successfully rearranged some stuff and added a new header and actually blogged, I'm off to accomplish some of the above goals.  Thanks for reading, you'll hear more from me soon.  For real this time.  I'm going to get better at this.  

Nope

My high hopes for Christmas-time blogging were defeated.  Totally by self.  With 2011 less than 11 hours away, here are some things I'm looking forward to beginning tomorrow morning:

• having quality time in God's Word (book of John) and in prayer
• being faithful to healthy menu planning
• being faithful to exercising (p90x)
• setting some moments aside to have quality time with Reagan and Gideon together and individually each day
• de-decorating Christmas stuff
• deep cleaning carpets and washing couch cushions and seat covers

By God's grace, 2011 will be the year we:

• get pregnant with Wing baby #3
• buy a mini van without a loan

By God's grace, Jason and I will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary January 28.  Looking forward to 2011 and all God has in store for us and for those He's divinely placed in our lives.

Quick Catch Up

Man...I'm the WORST at keeping up this blogging thing.

Maybe since I love my new background I'll be better at blogging.  :)  Good news is:  21 days till Mike, Maggie, Jonah, Bubba, and Uncle Chris come to OH for the holidays.  More good news:  15 days till we leave for Michigan Christmas celebration with the Wings.  Even more good news:  date night tomorrow night.  I need some quality time with Jason.  Too much hectic stuff happening and it will be good to connect with the man of my dreams.

Ahh, December 1.  Welcome--I've been so waiting for your arrival!

Summer 2010

 

Reagan and Gideon have grown up so much these past few months.  I'm amazed by how many small phrases Reagan has learned.  She'll say things like, "Mommy, I just can't clean up the playroom right now.  I have to watch my show."  Or, "Gideon, that's so nice of you!  Thank you for sharing--you love me so much."  She's understanding more than sentence structure.  She's learning everyday things, lies, truths, manipulation, how to serve, etc.  I'm watching the battle between good and evil play out in her.  We are born into sin, until God's grace and salvation is revealed, understood, and accepted by us (as ordained by God).  And since Reagan is yet to be saved or even see or understand her need for a Savior, I'm witnessing her need for the Lord each day (the saved need Him each day, too!).  Anyways, seeing her battle with her own sin is quite revealing.  The days of temper tantrums and selfish behavior she had before she could reason or justify her actions are long gone.  It's interesting to see her battle it out--respect/disrespect, obedience/disobedience, kindness/selfishness.  As her mother I want to be there to correct her (in a non-nagging manner) and I do that often.  I also end up nagging her and end up asking her to forgive me.  Anyways--my point is, I'm not always correcting anymore.  She's learning to self-correct and re-direct her thoughts and motives which in turn produces a changed attitude.  While Christ isn't in her yet, she's learning what is right and wrong and how she can please Jesus in the mean time.  And by "in the mean time" I'm referring to the time between right now and the day she is called into Christ's Kingdom through God's grace and Jesus' salvation.  

Sweet Gideon is a charmer.  His dimples and his cute little run make my heart burst with joy.  He's saying so many words these days.  And as much as I love his words, his tone and inflection are what really get me.  Most heard words lately:  bankie (blankie), vimaminmin (vitamin), dee-dee (candy & cookie), dooce (juice), megan (Reagan), e-uh-nuh (all done), mo (more), deese (cheese), apple, a-nana (banana), gate, potty, ah-ee (paci), and many more!  He's a trooper and a stud.  He falls down so many times a day and he rarely whimpers.  He's climbing, jumping, bouncing, and he's all boy.  I love that I have such an all-terrain little boy and a prim and proper and high-maintenance girl.  They are so different but they love each other dearly.  I've enjoyed watching the sister/brother bond grow stronger this Summer.  Their fighting and lack of sharing has been less than acceptable and, oh, do they hear it from me!  But on the flip side, their growth in love for one another has spoken so much to me.  

Looking forward to Fall and all that the Lord has in store for our family.  :)

These Two

 I love these two.  And God has recently convicted me of a few things.  

1. My time with the Lord has been lacking significantly.
2. This has affected my outlook on life, parenting, marriage, friendships, the Church, and myself.
3. Tunnel vision has taken over.  What I mean by that is my selfish tendencies have skyrocketed in frequency and intensity.  Being without quality time in the Word and in prayer has taken its toll on our family.
4. Thanks to my loving husband, I've been corrected, guided, Biblically encouraged, and gracefully lead back to my first love, Jesus.  
5. These two darling children are gifts from God and it's my duty to make our house the most comfortable, relaxing, peaceful, loving, soul-soothing place on the earth for them.
6. I need to be in the Word before Jason or the kiddos wake up.  I also need to pray prayers of gratitude and pray specifically for the kids' character as they grow and pray for Jason as he leads our family.  
7. Waking up early is tough but once I get in the habit I know it will be the best part of my day.  Just me, the Lord, His Word, and coffee.  

A few blogs have truly inspired me and I know I didn't blog-hop by accident.  God's sovereignty played a huge part.  I encourage you to check these out and take tips, advice, etc. from fellow mothers who don't have it all figured out but who try their hardest.  Why not gain from another's conviction and wisdom?

Check out: 

www.inspiredtoaction.com, www.passionatehomemaking.com, and www.confessionsofahomeschooler.blogspot.com.  

Wasting my time as a mother is not an option.  Living as though Christ truly dwells in our lives and in our home needs to be evident.  It's not something to fake.  So here's to real life.  Here's to conviction, a loving husband's straightforward correction, and two beautiful children who need to see Christ living in their mommy much more than they've ever seen.

I raise my caffeine-filled mug, head nod, sip, and sigh with the hope of starting fresh, with intention and conviction.

Cheers.

Boston...from forever ago part 2

Pics from my last day in Boston.

Couldn't resist this cutie.  I'm so glad he accompanied me the whole trip.  :)

Boston, MA from the ferry that took us to the U.S.S. Constitution.

The U.S.S. Constitution.  The Navy's oldest, seaworthy vessel.

I know, so attractive.  Maggie and I downed these footlong dogs.  Delicious!

Jonah boy and I standing outside Paul Revere's home.  Right across the street there's an Italian Catholic church and play yard.  We ate canolis for the second day in a row across from Paul's house.  Talk about surreal!

Mike, Jonah, and I as we head to the top of the "Pru" (not pictured).  We decided to take the T rather than walk it.  Glad we did!

The Boston Library.  It was closed but Mike did an awesome job showing off (in humility) his literary expertise.  It's a beautiful site and I can't wait to visit again!

Berenstain Bears

Today is Independence day!  Happy 4th to us.  As I helped Reagan out of bed this morning, I explained that today is a very special day for our country.

Me:  Reagan, did you know today is a very special day?  We get to celebrate!

Reagan:  Yes, today is Easter.  But I'm not celebrating.

Me:  Well, it's not Easter.  It's the 4th of July!  That means we thank God for our country.  Do you know what country we live in?  We live in America!

Reagan:  Yes.  And the Berenstain bears live here, too.  That's why we have to celebrate.

And there you have it.  Happy 4th to all, and the Berenstain bears, of course.